Calvinism

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?

# CALVIN

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.

Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ...

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.

I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information

~

"Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?"
"I'm not sure that man needs the help."

~

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

~

Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.

~

"Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."

~

"I'm a simple man, Hobbes."
"You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!"
"I'm a simple man with complex tastes."

~

"See Any UFOs?"
"Not yet."
"Well, keep your eyes open, they're bound to land here sometime."
"What will we do when they come?"
"See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser"

~

"My powerful brain has come up with a topic for my paper"
"Great"
"I'll write about the debate over Tyrannosaurs. Were they fearsome predators or disgusting scavengers?"
"Which side will you defend?"
"Oh, I believe they weer fearsome predators, definitely."
"How come?"
"They're *so* much cooler that way"

~

"I'm not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts."
"I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths."
"I prefer to savour the mystery."

~

Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work.
Calvin: So?
Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned.
Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.

~

"Bad news Dad. Your polls are way down."
"My polls?"
"You rate especialy low among tigers and six year old white males."

~

"Mom's not feeling well. So I'm making her a get well card."
"That's thoughtful of you."
"See, on the front it says, 'Get Well Soon' ... and on the inside it says,'Because me bed isn't made, my clothes need to be put away and I'm hungry. Love Calvin.' Want to sign it?"
"Sure, I'm hungry too"

~

H : "What do you think is the secret to happiness? Is it money, power or fame?"
C : "I'd choose money. If you have enough money, you can buy fame and power. That way you'r have it all and be really happy. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess."
H : "I suppose thats *one* way to define it."
C : "The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way."

~

Dear Santa. Why is your operation located at the North Pole? I'm guessing cheap elf labour, lower environmental standards, and tax breaks. Is this really the example you want to set for us impressionable kids? ...My plan is to put him on the defensive before he considers how good I've been.

~

"MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?"
"No, Calvin."
"CAN I RIDE MY TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?"
"No, Calvin."
"Then can I have a cookie?"
"No, Calvin."
"She's on to me."

~

"What state do you live in?"
"Denial."

- Miss Wormwood & Calvin
"Dad, I'd like to have a little talk."
"Um...ok."
"As the wage earner here, its your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of some big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do whats right for our country."
"I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around."
#

INNOCENCE

============

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

Hobbes : "Do you think there's a God?
Calvin : "Well somebody's out to get me!"

Calvin : "Do you really think Bogeymen exist?"
Hobbes : "I'm not sure, but if they do, I think this is where they live…"

"The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"

"Too bad the world will be ending soon."
"Beg your pardon?"
"Halley's Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom."
"No they arent, thats just superstition."
"Really? Guess I'd better write that book report."

"Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too. This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isnt going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?"

- Calvin, about to become aware of the concept of winter...
"This article says that many people find christmas the most stressful time of year."
"I believe it. This season sure fills *me* with stress."
"Really? How come?"
" I *hate* being good..."
~

"Any monsters under my bed tonight?"

"Nope." "No." "Uh-Uh."

"Well there *better* not be, I'd hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!"

"You have a flamethrower?"

"They lie. I lie."

- Calvin, The Monsters Under His Bed & Hobbes
"I wonder where we go when we die?"
"...Pittsburgh?"
"You mean if we're good or if we're bad?"
#

SOCIETY

========

I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?

So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.

In my opinion, television validates existence.

~

"Here's a movie we should watch."
"Who's in it?"
"It says 'Japanese Cast'...two big rubbery monsters slug it out over major metropolitan centres in a battle for world supremacy...doesn't that sound great?"
"And people say that foreign film is inaccessible."

~

Hobbes : "It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million muders on television."
Calvin : "I find that very disturbing...it means I've been watching all the wrong channels."

~

H : "What are you doing?"
C : "Being cool."
H : "You look more like you're bored."
C : "The world bores you when you're cool."

~

"I just read this great science-fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and turn them into zombie slaves."
"So instead of us controlling machines, they control us? Pretty scary idea."
"I''ll say...*HEY* What time is it? My TV show is on."

#

DEEP

====

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?

It's only work if somebody makes you do it

#

GIRLS

=======

My only regret is blowing the best day of my life while I'm so young

- Calvin prepares a water-balloon ambush for Susie
Calvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS!
Susie: Slimy girls?!
Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.
I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?

Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

~

We are a fierce and dirty band of cut-throat pirates! Keep a sharp lookout matey, we dont want any sissy girls on our ship!"
"We *dont* like girls???"
"Of course not dummy, we're a murderous bunch of pirates, remember?"
"Who do we smooch then?"

~

"There's a new girl in our class."
"Well, whats her name?"
"WHO KNOWS?"
"Is she nice?"
"WHO CARES? Not me!"
"Do you LIKE her?"
"NO!"

~

C: "Here comes that new girl. HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURISM, YOU FREAK!"

H: "She *cute*, isnt she?"

C: "GO AWAY!"

~

"Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we were supposed to read for tomorrow?"

"Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason?"

"Why else would I call you?"

"Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice?"

"WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment!"

"First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice."

"THIS IS BLACKMAIL!"

~

"This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting."

"Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resoultion condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. (9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15) Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting."

"Is this a great club or what?"

" orgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties."

~

C: "I'm never gonna get married. Are you?"

H: "Hmm...I suppose if the right person came along, I might. Someone with green eyes and a nice laugh, who I could call 'Pooty Pie'."

C: "POOTY PIE?"

H: "Or bitsy pookums."

C: "I think that would affect my stomach a lot more than my heart."

H: "Bitsy pookums I'd say. Yes snoogy woogy, she'd reply..."

~

"Do you like being a girl?"
"Its gotta be better than the alternative."
"Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?"
"Like a WHAT?"
"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."

Christmas and the Consumer

December’s here! And it ushers in those winter chills (I like winter. I take a certain savage pleasure in smothering that bit of conscience exhorting me to go for my morning walk with my warm and cosy blanket), those steaming mugs of pistachio tea, those woollen sweaters gloves and mufflers, and it also wraps up (no pun intended) the festive season with good old Christmas (HO HO HO..). Christmas has always held a very special place in my heart, maybe because of that special Christmas party that was held at school, or it could be that Christmas tree that we decorated, or it could be just be these feelings coursing through me, that I am having difficulty putting down on paper. (It could also be that this was the longest stretch of holiday to look forward to until next summer.)

Throughout the year, through this forum we have been stressing on how important it is to realize our rights as consumers. How important it is to make use of our powers in an informed way. How important it is to stand up to any form of oppression that may in essence threaten these rights.
I thought that in this yearend issue it would be a good idea to emphasize the fact that along with these rights, we as consumers also have certain responsibilities and duties. Responsibilities we sometimes neglect while fighting for our rights. One must keep in mind that consumerism like any other successful movement may start out as a response to someone’s exploitation, but its sustenance hinges on the self actualization and betterment of its participants. This change for the better can be brought about in oneself only by striking a balance between realizing our duties and exercising our rights.

Our first and foremost responsibility as a consumer is to be informed. Information is power. It equips us with the tools and resources that we need in order to be real consumers. It helps us create a knowledge base that in turn helps us to make correct and informed choices. I believe that to be truly successful, this entire information gathering process must be a proactive one, and not just a reactive response to a certain act or circumstance.

Our next responsibility as consumers is not to be afraid to act. In other words, we as consumers do not need to make any compromise whatsoever with our rights. If in any case we feel that our liberties are being encroached upon we must be able to assert ourselves and ensure that we get a fair deal in the least.

We must also be aware of the fact that one’s responsibility as a consumer does not get over with just making sure that our individual rights are safeguarded. We live in a society; therefore it is our duty that we make sure that consumer awareness permeates through all of its layers. There are many disadvantaged and powerless consumers out there being ruthlessly exploited by market forces. We must try our level best to make ourselves their voice and aid them in combating and conquering this oppression.

And last but certainly not the least, we must realize the impact that our consuming pattern has on the ecosystem. You may have noticed that December just doesn’t feel like December any more. The Decembers of old were so cold that you could feel the chill seep into your bones through three layers of clothing. But now December just feels cool and pleasant. This and more, are consequences that the world has to face because of Global Warming and other ecological problems. At first one may be inclined to think that the common man like you and me has little to do with such an environmental crisis that manifest itself on a global scale. Surely it is the fault of those huge industries and factories belching black smoke into the sky. But do we recognize that many of those factories are engaged in manufacturing goods that we consume in our day to day lives. History is filled with examples of entire species being driven to extinction because of man’s own greed and his relentless pursuit to satisfy his own desire and needs. There’s no running away from the fact that what we consume has an effect on the environment, no matter how big or little that consumption may be. Therefore we must try our utmost best to adjust our lifestyle in a way that it does no more harm to our environment. Sustainable Consumption and rediscovering that lost connect with nature is the need of the hour.
Well, I certainly hope that I have given you all a vague idea of what responsibilities one may have as a consumer. I’ll wrap up (pun fully intended, this time) this piece with Earl W. Count’s views on Christmas that I feel holds some significance to consumerism as well:

"Shall we liken Christmas to the web in a loom? There are many weavers, who work into the pattern the experience of their lives. When one generation goes, another comes to take up the weft where it has been dropped. The pattern changes as the mind changes, yet never begins quite anew. At first, we are not sure that we discern the pattern, but at last we see that, unknown to the weavers themselves, something has taken shape before our eyes, and that they have made something very beautiful, something which compels our understanding."


Merry Christmas!!!!

Some of the 'Koan of Hari' Quotes, coupled with a few 'Hari's Certanity Principls...'

You cannot find the answer if you do not know the question......

They say that it was all dark before light..... Tell me, how could you tell?????

In some higher metaphysical plane, an fight till death is going on between the chuck norris \m/ and the dirty harry ;@...
The world will end when we have a victor............

If you did not like the dark knight or inception; you will never be enlightened.......

Technology can be the bane of literature....
Robert frost would never have written two roads, if he had GPS!!!!!!

Never ever say, 'Nothing can go wrong' ; because that's the signal for Murphy's Law to pop out from the nearest manhole and bite your arse......

The answer to Life, The Universe and everything is ...... 42!! (Douglas Adams \m/)

Whenever u take a day off too study, something inadvertently turns up to stop you from doing the same.

f you are looking for a ruler you will always invariably find a pencil instead...
And vice versa...

1 packet of murruku+ 400 gms of raisins+ 10 Cashewnuts+ 1 bottle of water = A Stomach Ache.
The _____________ (badness, horror, weirdness... take your pick) of a photo taken for a particular occasion is exponentially proportional to the importance of the event in consideration........

A device will magically start working whenever the repair guy comes home... and then stop working again when he leaves.....

The Sporting Consumer

The first thing that came into my mind, when I started to write this was; what in the world does the consumer have to do with sports. To me they seemed like two totally unrelated entities. I mean, after all what are sports to the consumer? Of course, almost all of us are passionate about some or other form of sport, but we definitely don’t see it as something essential for our survival. I, for my life couldn’t comprehend any kind of link between the two. But as they say, God Provides. Just as I was about to give up, in comes the common wealth games scam. All of us by now know about the corruption, the amount of money spent on toilet paper and treadmills, the leaking roofs, the missed deadlines, and all other fiascos that have been happening. But I am not going to write just another piece lambasting the Organising Committee, or how deep corruption has seeped into our system, that it threatens to wash away any traces of national pride or moral ethics (if there was any, in the first place).
My concerns lie more with the athletes. After all, they are the fulcrum of these games. All these stadiums, these training facilities, are being built with the idea of providing them with a platform to showcase their skills to the world. I have no trouble in placing them as the consumers in this equation. And there is no doubt that this time, their rights have been grossly compromised. One would presume that holding the games in our country, would give our athletes a home advantage, but instead of getting all that training space and head starts, all they get are ‘world class’ stadiums, some of that are still under construction and with added ‘capabilities’ like a floor ridden with seepage, or a leaking roof. But our sportspersons are not new to these adversities and despite all these handicaps; I have no doubt that they will do the nation proud as they have always done before.
Over the years, most of us have formed the impression that sports, with the exception of cricket, has been ridden with poverty. Lack of infrastructure in the country, players not getting their dues, are only some of the many factors that lead us to believe this. But if the government can spend Rs.1500 crore for a sporting event lasting for 10 days, ‘insufficient funds’ is clearly not the reason for such a deficient sporting system. In my view it is high time that our sportspersons take inspiration from the consumer movement and stand up and be counted. Powerful autonomous bodies should be formed that fight for their interests at the highest levels. They themselves must keep themselves abreast with the latest news and must also be aware of their rights. They must realize that they themselves must be the change they want to see in the structure. There is no need for them, to lie down and take such kind of exploitation from corrupt heads and officials, who are only interested in filling their own pockets. I think that sports should be run by people who are, first and foremost passionate about it. People who make it their priority to alleviate the state of sports in the country, and not let it marinate in stagnation, just because it suits their interests.
Apart from individuals within the sporting system, ordinary people like you and me also have a role to play. The main reason why athletes feel uncared for and poorly treated, is because we actually don’t care about what happens to any sportsperson, other than a cricketer. Generation of positive public interest is therefore a prerequisite if the situation is to be improved somewhat. The situation is not that bleak though, people like Saina Nehwal, Abhinav Bindra and Sunil Chettri have to some extent aroused curiosity and garnered admiration for other sports through their accomplishments. Slowly and steadily we are starting to take notice of other sports around us and it should not be long before we start feeling the same enthusiasm and zeal that we feel when we watch India play cricket.

All about consumers and producers

The first word that came into my mind when I thought about Consumers and Consumerism was surprisingly ‘nothing’. That’s because I could think of ‘nothing’ that was not a consumer in some way or the other. Ever since Man has gained his consciousness he has been a consumer. Since the dawn of evolution and till the dusk of industrialization and even after that, the main source of his consumption has been none other than nature herself. If something has changed, it is the form and way in which we have evolved as consumers. We have progressed from plucking apples from trees to now drinking them from a packed carton.

But then one may ask the questions “Why suddenly such a hue and cry about empowering consumers? ” , “If man has been a consumer for more than 5 centuries, why on earth hasn’t he thought about empowering himself before?”

Well many have given answers to questions like these, which have also satisfied many. I also have an answer to give on this. In my opinion the consumer movement has been going on for centuries (and that also very successfully), but it is only until recently that it has gained such tremendous popularity and momentum. The reason for this is the shift in the positions of the consumer and producer. Today one associates the word ‘Consumer’ invariably with the exploited party. And that’s the only reason why it’s such a rage today. Unless you don’t get your hands burned you do not realize how hot the fire is.

In any situation if there is a ‘consumer’ there has to be a ‘producer’ also. For centuries, it has been the ‘producer’; yes the ‘producer’ who has been the exploited one. Finding it difficult to believe? Well history gives us many such instances that almost all of us know about, all that is needed is to view these incidents through a consumer-producer outlook. Let’s take an example that is closest to our history i.e. The British colonization of India. In the beginning the British had arrived in India with the intention of trading. The idea was to buy commodities such as indigo, spices and silk, for which payment would be done in full. But gradually their greed got better of them and they started exploiting our country. Why India, in almost every instance of colonization it has been the consumer who has done the exploitation.

But with the abolition of colonization and the advent of democracy the distinct line between the consumer and the producer began to blur. The consumers started to become the producers and vice versa. Soon the present scenario evolved in which the producers became the manufacturers, retailers, service providers and shopkeepers and the consumers became the common man who consumed the commodities supplied by the above. Perhaps it was the first time in world history that the consumers did not find themselves in a dictating position. For the first time, they were on equal terms with the producers. This was also perhaps the first time in which the producers felt they could assert themselves, and assert they did (it’s human nature) to the extent of exploitation. But as we know any kind of exploitation is always met with resistance from the exploited side (as the colonists (or the consumers until now) will tell you). This resistance from the consumer became what we know as the consumer movement today.

Who knows what may happen in the future. Will consumerism be so successful that it turns into producer exploitation? I do not think so, because now there are no distinct boundaries that separate consumers from a producer. Exploitation of any kind will hurt both parties to some extent. But as of now it is needed that we give our full support to consumerism so that it may tip the balance and bring us back to where we started: A peaceful and agreeable coexistence between the consumer and producer.

Conversations with myself...

Wow my first blog post!!!!!!!

As I sat down to write this, I underwent a moment of self introspection..... The gist of which i put down here:

Hari: So hmmmmmm, blogging eh.... cool!!!!

Hari: Yeah really it would be, if you had started this 5 years ago.....

Hari: WTF!!, who are you....

Hari: Who do you think I am, Spiderman??? I am your inner voice dummy!!

Hari: Wow... that's so cool, a inner voice!!!

Hari: I am cool, I must admit. Sadly the same can't be said about you. What's with the repeated 'wow's and cools and the '.......' ??

Hari: Ahem...(oops sorry...(Shit!!!)) We'll talk about all of that later. Now tell me since, you deem your to be wiser, what should I put in the blog??

Hari: You are trying to tell me that you created a blog with no idea what to put in it??? Of all the bodies, i could have got.....

Hari: Hahahahaha you just did the ..... thing right now!!

Hari: That's because it was called for!! Goodness Gracious, what a noob.

Hari: If you are through with the insults and taunts, you could start about telling me what to write here.

Hari: How should I know?? I'm just a disembodied form of expression (albeit a strikingly handsome one). It's your job to create the matter, mine is to abuse it.

hAri: Might I make a suggestion??

Hari: WTF!!! Who are you??

hAri: I am his inner voice.

Hari: That place has already been taken buster! So buzz off and find you're self another body to stay.

hAri: I am pretending not to notice your immature talk. Hari, according to me, you should probably put down anything that comes to your mind. This is a place where you can truly express yourself!!

Hari: Could you be more specific??

hAri: Hmmm, maybe my compatriot was not entirely wrong about you. Anything means anything;stories, rhymes, your viewpoint on abstract or/and relevant issues.....

Hari: Thanks. I'll do that from now on! It's been a real pleasure hAri, Same can't be said for you though Hari.

hAri: My Pleasure.

Hari: Great, now i am stuck with two jerks. Up yours!!!!

Well That's that. Love it or hate it?? Do let me know!!

P.S. I crave for your attention.....

ciao!!!